Seis Puerqueños

I know, I love contest-y games. Especially when they involve blind guessing. Seeing as I am 3 1/2 weeks from my “scientifically calculated” due date, a little over 5 weeks from my ultrasound’s due date and 4 1/2 weeks from the due date my midwife is using, it is probably a good time to start the guess my child’s birth date game!!!

To review:
-November 29th = science’s due date
-December 5th = Aaron’s due date [Aaron says this should be called the accurate due date]
-December 6th = midwife’s due date
-December 11th = ultrasound’s due date

You get one guess. If you get the right day (not whoever gets closest) you win. You win something. It may will take a long time to get it, because I will have two babies. But you will some before the end of 2010 get your prize.

The calendar is at the very bottom of the page, so scroll down if you want to see other people’s guesses.

Dear Guy Who “Fixed” My Hair at Great Clips Yesterday,

I am not sure fixed is really the right term. Although you did one thing that I asked, you did not do any of the others. I am pretty sure I could have cut the mullet off myself. I believe my instructions were as follows:

Please help me. I did this to myself. I would like you to cut off the big long part in back, and make all my hair even looking as possible.

You countered with:

So make this left side match the right, and cut off the long part in the back?

Me:

Exactly. Also my husband has some instructions.

Aaron:

I think it should follow this line [a-line] on both sides like how it currently is. Just make the other side match. and then layers in the back to kind of match.

You:

Ok. I totally got it.

But you didn’t get it, did you? I knew from your first cut that it was over for what remained of my hair. But what can you do? You can’t argue with someone with scissors. Also I knew that you couldn’t put on the hair you just cut off (which I think was almost as much as I cut off!!!) so my best hope was to just let you finish and hope it turned out even. I guess I was asking too much, and I should have known better.

I have included this diagram for you to realize where you went wrong:

A: We are not even going to talk about the back. It is horrifying. Luckily I don’t have to look at it.
B: Layers. You had the right idea, just very poorly executed
C: Where are the layers? You could have done me the favor of at least chunking out as much from this side as well.
D: This is not straight, or even good-looking/on purpose not straight. Also that part on the outside shouldn’t be longer, because it’s not in the front like an a-line
E: Did you see D? It should MATCH. Actually, since this side goes up, you should just go ahead and cut off more of D to make them even.

Additionally, thanks again for taking off another 4 inches from my already too short hair. I will make sure to send all my friends to you.

Thinking of shaving my head,

Kelsey

P.S. I am pretty sure if you smoke it’s ok to take ONE second to wash your hands before putting them all stinky-like in my hair. Thanks.

P.P.S. This photos doesn’t do the awfulness of the hair-fix justice. It only does justice to the scary-lookingness of my face.

Or: Maybe I need a babysitter for myself
Or: Why I shouldn’t play with scissors

I had good intentions. It turned out ok the last couple of times I tried it. It turns out that it’s not as easy with a one-year-old hanging on your leg.

I guess I will be skipping enrichment tonight to visit great clips. Because they will make me so much prettier than I just did(?)

On the plus side, Harmon knows how to style it for me.

Well everyone, we did it. We managed to keep our child alive for an entire year.

One year ago (on the 24th, I’m a slow blogger these days) we got this:

10lbs 12 oz, 23″ of long beanness, and a 38cm giant head
He was off the charts.

And now we have this:

22lbs 13.5 oz, 31″, and 46.5cm of a mullet covered head. That’s 51% weight, 83% height, and 54% for head. I think they measured the giant head wrong. We will remeasure ourselves later. [edit: we measured three more times. His head is most surely 49cm, moving his oversized noggin back to the 95+%. I mean come on, look at it. You can tell it’s ridiculous.]

There is really no way to say how much we love our child, and I’m sure you would get sick of us bragging in 2.3 seconds about how wonderful we think he is. I will just say that we are beyond blessed for our mischievous, happy, intelligent baby who we now call our big boy, as soon enough he won’t be the youngest. If you want to know what he is up to these days, you can click here. Or, you can look at how lovely his mullet is by clicking here. Or you can just look at the pictures that I will force upon you from the last month of his first year. Enjoy.

I forgot to add that he had a lovely party on his special day, in which he enjoyed the tradition of eating/destroying his own cake and opening far too many gifts from family and friends. If you want to see way too many pictures of him and cake and his future wife, you can click here.

Oh, and Happy First Birthday Harmon!!!

Dear Switzerland,

I sent my husband to you so you could interview him for a job there. I didn’t want him to go, but I trusted you, as you acted like you were just doing some final checking, and wanted him to make sure he liked you. You wanted him to make sure he and his wonderful family would like living there. They surely would.

But today you decided that you didn’t want him to move there. I suppose it’s for the best, but I can’t help crying thinking about the chocolate I won’t be eating. There’s only so much in my fridge right now. You took my husband away for no reason. We are fighting.

With a grudge,
Kelsey

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Dear Seattle,

It rains here. You already knew that. I see drains on the freeways for all that water. But can you please tell me why they are put on the highest part of the road? Surely you could have planned better than that.

Drowning & Hydroplaning,
Kelsey

I have always hated crows. They are so ugly, especially one of the ones that currently combs our front yard for snacks. They like to annoy eagles, don’t they know the eagles could snap their necks in a second? And their noises! Ugh, the most annoying. There are probably like 20 other things that I hate about crows, but living in our current house I have learned to hate them for an entirely new reason.

We noticed throughout the summer that the crows really like our yard. And our neighborhood is not as cool as our last one which was filled with eagles. It is filled with crows instead. So my point is, there are a lot of them. Like, The Birds lot. Anyway, in the last month or two, there has been this weird knocking/sound like someone was walking on the roof. After a couple weeks I realized it was the crows hanging out on the gutters. I figured they were searching around through the debris to get some bug snacks or whatever. Until this week. Aaron noticed that there were plenty of nut shells in our driveway, and thanked the crows for leaving them there. Then it struck me. The reason we hear hammers pounding during nap time? Crows, cracking nuts in our gutters. Lots and lots of crows. It is really annoying.

And that my friends, is another reason why crows are stupid and evil.