Seis Puerqueños

Sunday morning a bit after 7 I was back in bed after my fiftieth trip to the bathroom, slowly drifting back to sleep. All of a sudden, I felt a tickle on my arm. The kind of tickle you think is some hideous bug coming to attack you, but is really nothing, or at most a hair. Somehow half-awake I managed to brush my arm (just to be sure) and hit something. I screamed (just a bit) and sat up much faster than I have in a long time (fear makes lifting your giant body a lot easier) and look down to see a sick spider with half his legs now scattered on the bed. Of course the scream woke Aaron up too, and he kindly removed the carcass and parts from our bed. After my heart settled I went back to sleep, but now I will never be able to ignore that little tickle or itch ever again. Don’t you love fall when all the bugs move inside?

Yesterday we went to meet Jose & Liza at Bahama Breeze for lunch because we had a giftcard that was begging to be used. Upon arrival at the lovely southcenter mall, it was a nightmare of a traffic jam. I suppose everyone wanted to go shopping at the same time? Anyway, we get into the overflowing parking lot and I say to Aaron “hey, there’s a spot!” as a lady is backing out of a spot, but reparking, since she was in two spots. Her attempts at reparking are just as bad, and she continues to be many feet into the second spot, with no real reason since no one is overlapping the other side of her spot. We wait several minutes patiently for her to see us and reposition, but nothing happens. She completely ignores us. Aaron decides the solution is for me to get out and him to park right up against her door. I instead decide I will walk over to her window and kindly ask her to move over just a bit, as maybe she hasn’t realized she is still taking up two spots. She opens her window and I ask her if she can move over a bit. She tells me she is waiting for someone. I say ok, but I’m just asking if you can move over so we can park in this spot, as we are going inside to meet people. “I’m meeting someone as well!” comes the reply. “Ok, but can you just move over a couple feet so we can park, as you are in two spots?” “NO need to get AGGRESSIVE!” followed by her own insane nervous awkward laughter. I had nothing to do but laugh and get in my car, and as it turns out as I walk back she backs up (I think trying to hit me? maybe I’m exaggerating that part, maybe not) and reparks. We park and I tell her thank you.

Now let me break this down for you. I was not being aggressive. In fact, I was being WAY nicer than she deserved in such a situation, and on top of that, WAY nicer than I would have been non-pregnant. I never raised my voice, said please and thank you, and let’s face it, I was not asking her to move out of both spots, just one! When I told this story my dad tried to claim I was a crazy pregnant person, to which I was pretty offended, because come on, if you want a crazy pregnant person story, I will just tell you about the time I about killed a Target food court employee over the icee machines being on the defrost cycle. Now THAT was crazy.

Anyway, I made Aaron help me remember her license plate, just in case she was feeling “aggressive” after we left. Turns out she wasn’t. I was going to write her a letter, but I thought you should hear the whole story instead.

This is probably premature, but I am impatient, so tough. Here is your golden opportunity to predict the future. Guess what day my little human will arrive and win a prize. A really good prize that I haven’t thought of yet. Just post a comment with the date and I will put it on the calendar at the bottom of this lovely page. That way if you want to see what everyone else has guessed you can in a lovely organized manner. You just have to hit the little button to switch it to October. Unless someone predicts earlier. But whatever, you get the idea. Man I love games and contests. Oh, and feel free to choose a day already chosen by someone else. More than one of you can be right.

As we are flying to Spokane tonight and driving to Montana tomorrow, I was just thinking about security restrictions, and the prohibition of water. And then I thought, hmmm, I wonder if you freeze your water, and it is still solid when you go through security, is that ok? I cannot find an answer on the TSA website. But I did find out you can pack your spear gun and cattle prod in your checked luggage, but not your carry on.

Additionally I was thinking that I should get a bunch of 3oz containers and fill them all up with water. I just read that people with disabilities and medical conditions can bring water. I think I have a medical condition. Also peanut butter must be in 3oz or smaller containers. Does that mean peanut butter is a liquid or gel?

And finally, no snow globes of any size, “even with documentation”. What kind of documentation would that be? “This is a genuine snow globe, xoxo The International Committee on Snow Globe Validity”?

For the last week and a half or so, my child has been running a marathon, or doing water aerobics, or something crazy inside my belly. Before he would kick mostly at night or in the morning when I was laying down, but now it seems he is eager to perform at most any hour I sit still enough. I assume it has nothing to do with his actual activity, just the fact that he is putting on half a pound a week, so I can feel it better. Or the oreos are seeping in. This all by itself is not that interesting to you, but as I was reading all of your blogs this morning from my bed I felt some strong moving around and looked down like normal. All of a sudden I see what is pictured below. And not just for a fleeting second. For a good 30 seconds. And then again, for a while, and again, and again. Suddenly I worry that maybe he will like this new freakish position and I will have a belly thusly shaped forever. He eventually moved, but next time you see me and my belly looks more lumpy than round, you’ll know why.

My view from above:

UPDATE: It’s butt. The Midwife says so based on feeling his position today.

Just in case anyone didn’t know, today is Kelsey’s birthday. She’s getting pretty old, but that’s okay, because she’ll be a mom soon (2 months and 1 day.) While she’s busy making cupcakes to take to our “Birthing from Within” class tonight, I’m at work, you know… working.

But I have to find her a present, so I need some ideas. Please post them below or something like that.

I just realized I haven’t posted in 9 or so days. That seems pretty unacceptable, because I hate when you guys take that long to post. But then I remembered that I don’t have anything to write about right this minute, and that seemed boringer than not posting at all. Then I remembered it was my birthday today and that I should declare it so you can all have the opportunity to wish me happy birthday today and not be embarassed you forgot. But then I figured you probably won’t read this until tomorrow or the next day, then you will be embarassed indeed.

Anyway. I’m still getting bigger, but not too much heavier which is good. I can’t breathe when I lay down, nor can I sleep very well at night. But I finally have begun to feel happy at my body, that it is doing such a good job of growing my baby. Even if it kinda hurts me. I promise to post a picture real soon, as I am now 7 months and/or almost 32 weeks if you like knowing weeks instead. The end.

P.S. It’s totally Brittany’s happy birthday today too!

So some of you that know me well may remember me saying in the past something along the lines of: “It would be really neat to look exactly the same and weigh 400lbs. Then you could tell people and no one would believe you until they tried to pick you up.”

This would actually not be cool at all. In fact it would be really inconvenient. Like walking, or getting yourself out of bed, or doing anything at all. I didn’t really think it through until I gained a bazillion pounds. At any rate, I take back that desire.