Seis Puerqueños

This is not a post to tell you all how awesome I am for quitting all the coke and dr. pepper I drink. It’s a post to whine about how much I like coke and dr. pepper and how every fast food restaurant I drive by is calling to me. Very loudly. Woe is me. I wish I could say I was giving up my vices for a good reason, like being healthier, but instead it’s just for vanity because I’m tired of being fat and I don’t like diet drinks.

Also if you were wondering if I died at Great Wolf, I didn’t. I almost did, but I didn’t. Moral of the story: don’t let greed make you take your two very small children anywhere like that. You will be sorry. I would complain more, but I knew what I was getting myself into, so I must take it like a (wo)man.

Did I mention I REALLY want a coke right now????

Because I was kindly invited by Jama to go to the Great Wolf Lodge with her and the kids. With my kids. And I said yes.

Let’s review:
Me + 2 month old + really active 15 1/2 month old
Me 2 months after having a baby in a swimsuit
Water park, unbabyproofed hotel room

I think more than anything this proves my love of water parks. Or my extreme level of craziness. If I never post again, you’ll know why.

To Mullet or Not To Mullet?

That has long been the question at our house. At least for me. I think Aaron has been on the cutting side for a while now. Finally last night I conceded that it was time. So friends, here is a tribute to the mullet since I cut it off today. Don’t worry, I did a good job, not like my hair. I would post a picture, but the camera battery died.

Goodbye Mullet, I will miss you!!!

Dear Sammy,

Sorry we never post pictures of you on the blog, or write about your adventures. It’s not that we don’t like you, it’s just that we’re trying to keep your brother from loving you too violently. It’s kind of a full time job.

Love, Mom

P.S. This is the blue butterfly jacket my daughter was mistaken for a boy in.
P.P.S. I will be uploading many photos REAL soon for all of you who were dying to see more.

Dear Group Health Midwife I Saw Today (NOT the midwives who delivered my baby),

It’s ok that you saw my baby girl wearing bright blue with a pink and brown butterfly and asked “who is this little guy?” A legitimate thought if you were just glancing at my child, I’m not offended. But when corrected please don’t go on about how beautiful my daughter is (I of course already knew that!) And don’t tell me not to dress my daughter in blue (a BIG butterfly people!) and then tell me again how lovely she is. Being mistaken is fine. Being a liar (or an attempted reverse foot-in-mouther) is not.

Thanks,
Kelsey

P.S. The next time I am told to show up 15 minutes early for my appointment, don’t make me wait a half hour past my appointment time. Lucky for me my mom came with to watch the active young boy, otherwise, it would be ultimate war.

“Everything I need to know about parenting I learned from watching Super Nanny and Wife Swap/Trading Spouses”

If you steal it, I will probably have to beat you up. Because you know the wisdom contained in that book would be abounding.

But seriously, when you watch those shows don’t you just feel like the best wife/mother (husband/father) ever? I sure do.

I know you all were probably wondering what nap time looks like at our house. And I don’t mean you want to know what time we nap, how long, where, etc. You actually want to know what it looks like. Lucky for you I have excellent paint skills I have put to good use for your enjoyment today.

Sometimes the kids nap at the same time. And sometimes Harmon naps in our bed. When they nap “at the same time” they will usually try really hard to wake the other child up, and both seem to need a hand on them to stay asleep.

The other day nap time looked like this:
It was beautiful and wonderful and quite abnormal.

And this was by far the most stretched I think I could be, but gosh darn it they stayed asleep!

Ahhhh sweet peaceful naptime. And I wonder why I am so tired…

So, it seems every time I lay down, my brain works 200 times better. I remember all the things I need to do. Everything that needs to be cleaned. Every errand I need to run. That we are out of pepper. Where that missing sock is. What I want to research on google. Really hilarious and awesome blog posts.

But then I get up. And my brain does not work. Vertical brain = no brain. When I have a free moment for the internet I can’t seem to use it to look up booster seats, because I don’t remember that Harmon hates his high chair. I don’t remember to switch the laundry, because it has been exiled from my consciousness. I forget to call the insurance lady and make sure Sammy is on insurance. Bottom line, my brain only works when horizontal, and it’s really annoying. Anyone else suffer from this syndrome? It’s ok HBers, we can form a support group once we have admitted to our problem.

Oh, and if you ever see me lying on the floor at the grocery store, no need to worry that I’ve passed out. I’m just trying to remember how much milk is in the fridge at home.

Dear Everyone I Scared By Having My Baby At Home,

(which is pretty much all of you as I’m aware)

I just wanted to let you know that I still eat McDonalds fries and watch too much TV. It’s still me. Don’t worry.

Love,
The Same Kelsey Who Just Happened To Have Her Baby In Her Front Room

P.S. My dad uses the term “hippie” to his friends behind my back and “pioneer” to my face. You know, like pioneers who used to have their babies at home because there was no hospital. Feel free to use either to my face or behind my back.