I Am Really Good In Emergencies

{Alternately titled: how killing a spider is more important than having a working cell phone}

Dear Really Scary {tiny} Orange Spider That Climbed On The Steering Wheel While I Was Driving In The Carpool Lane With No Shoulder,

What were you thinking? Were you trying to kill me, my children, and possibly the people in the other lanes? Don’t you know that spiders are really scary and to come out at such an inopportune time is pretty much unthinkable?

I am not sorry I used my cell phone to try to kill you by smashing it haphazardly on the steering wheel. You should be sorry because pretending I was an adult and telling myself {aloud} that it was “just a spider” wasn’t working, and therefore you were endangering everyone around. In fact, you are probably to blame for most of the bad drivers on the road, and the next time I see someone crossing into my lane or swerving like a maniac I will now assume that you or one of your evil cousins have hopped onto their steering wheel as well!

If your bad behavior wasn’t enough, when I thought I had smashed you to bits with my phone, you had to go and pop back out again! Couldn’t you have at least played dead, or stayed in your hiding spot so I could regain some composure and drive safely? Then after more swatting you had to jump to the floor, leaving me the rest of the 15 min drive wondering when you would reappear and if that was you climbing up my leg or not. So totally uncalled for.

But the final blow? When I got back into the car later and found your web carefully placed across the steering wheel, as if to mark your territory. It’s on Orange Spider, it’s on. {Just kidding, I’m wussy. Please please please just get out of my car, seriously!}

Terrified Of Tiny Orange Spiders,


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7 Responses to I Am Really Good In Emergencies

  1. Elizabeth says:

    I just had an enormous spider jump out of my towel yesterday and I screamed embarrassingly loud … Abby was in the room and just said, "whoa! look at that SPIDER!" Yes, I'm weenier than a toddler.

    I would probably die if a spider came out at me on the freeway.

  2. Sarah says:

    When I was pregnant with Jared, I was talking to my friend on the phone when a giant spider crawled up my belly. I stood up, threw the phone down, screamed hysterically, ripped my shirt off, and I never did see where the spider went.

    It was awful. Thank goodness I wasn't driving at the moment.

  3. Natalie says:

    I hate when any sort of bug is in my car…no matter the size…I feel uneasy!

  4. Jacki says:

    So are you going to buy a new car? I think I would.

  5. Billie and Brian Taggart says:

    did LERT teach you nothing!?

  6. Brower Family says:

    So, I am having one of those BLAH days. I am looking around on blogs and I have the thought…."I need a good laugh….who's blog will give me just that?" And then the thought…"It must be Kelsey's!" And so here I am. Now, with a smile on my face from your spider story. So, thank you, for helping to turn my "Blah" day into a little bit better of a day!

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