Letters

Dear Sammy,
Why do you wake up when dad turns on the shower three rooms away but manage to sleep through throwing up on yourself? That’s weird.
Puzzled, Mom

Dear Amazon.com,
We need to break up. It’s not you it’s Aaron.
Regretfully, Kelsey

Dear Icicles,
Please stop scaring me half to death when you break off the roof and smash on the other part of the roof.  That’s rude.
Tired of heart attacks, Kelsey

Dear Aaron,
You snore really loud.  Even if you deny it.  I promise to stop plugging your nose to wake you up if you promise to stop doing it.
Love, Kelsey

Dear Body,
I think it’s rude you don’t magically lose all the baby weight.  Exercising is hard and terrible.  And my clothes don’t fit.  Also bacon is super tasty and so you are going to have to solve this problem on your own.
Lazily, Kelsey

Dear Sleep,
I miss you so bad.  What did I do?  I can change.  Please forgive me.  I’ll do anything if you come back.  Think of the good old days!  Just give me another chance…
Please!  Kelsey

Dear People Driving 50 in Parking Lots,
You need to knock this off immediately.  One of these times I am really going to pound on your car with my bare hands.  Just be glad that normally my hands are full of children’s hands or you would really get it.
Hatefully, Kelsey

Dear Winter,
Thanks for making all the spiders disappear.  I think you killed them all forever, and I am refusing to believe the people who tell me you are just temporarily frozen.  You are the best.
Love, Kelsey