"First Child"

Does it bother anyone else when they get accused of treating their child a certain way because they are “the first child”? For example if you don’t want dogs licking all over your newborn child, you are clearly exhibiting “first child” behavior. Of if you don’t want your child at two and a half months old to chew on red licorice (black would be fine of course) you have obviously come down with a case of “first child”.

I recognize that there are many things that I probably do which could appropriately be categorized as “first child syndrome”. Maybe co-sleeping, maybe excessive blankets and hats for outings, and maybe even Aaron’s request for hand sanitizer for our house (what? the sink is like two feet away) fit this description. But there are many things I insist upon which do not.

I mean, I can only imagine that with successive children many things happen. First, you have less time, so you can’t stop dogs from licking or licorice from being shoved in the mouth. This of course doesn’t mean that you want these things to happen, but as you produce more and more offspring, it becomes inevitable because you don’t have 100 hands. Or the willpower. You many children parents have your wills broken because you just can’t keep your child from eating the cheerio covered in hair and dirt which has been hiding under the stove because you are too busy trying to take care of the others. Or even one child parents, you probably aren’t as fast as your kid, and can’t stop it either. But that does not mean you like it, and I would venture that you would stop it had you the option.

The good news is, this is my child. I grew him for 9 1/2 long months. I pushed him out, and I reserve the right to screw him up as I see fit. For now I will luxuriate in the amount of time I have to dedicate to saving him from all the horrible dangers like the rain and dogs and unwashed hands. To all my future children: I hope you survive. Especially when the rain turns to acid and the dogs rabid and the hands to monster claws.

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7 Responses to "First Child"

  1. Jacki says:

    This is also one of my pet peeves.

  2. Sarah says:

    That last part sounded like the movie “I am Legend”.

    I’m on my 4th child and I’m still a freak about illnesses and also not a fan of dogs licking Carmen’s mouth.

  3. Penny says:

    My kids left home still in good shape. I don’t want to know what they ate and touched. I’m working on the grandkids and hope that when they go home after spending the night with me, that they will be little tyrants.

  4. Momeree says:

    ARE YOU REALLY MY CHILD? AND MUCH LESS, ARE YOU REALLY MY FIRST CHILD? And why did I never get “first child syndrome”? Maybe because it’s really and anal issue, not a first child syndrome. Oh, did I really say that? And oh, sometimes I ask myself, where did I go wrong? And then I remember, you’re half Fox, so that means half anal, but don’t worry, I love you anyway.

  5. shadylady says:

    I remember being a little nervous that our coyote, “Yodi Coyote” might bite Rusty on his little face, so yes, I did remove him from the coyote vicinity.

    The other children? They weren’t so lucky.

    And let’s not even talk about the skunk, or the great horned owl.

    Married to a taxidermist…. the fun never ended.

  6. Leslie says:

    I was one of those kids, and still one of those people that never wash my hands before a meal, (and this is after coming up from the horse barn too) and our family has 6 dogs. I enjoy a clean house, but watching people eat things off the floor has never bothered me… and I’ve been really healthy all my life. I probably built up this really strong immune system to all the nasty germs. But, as I am 6 months pregnant now… I’m wondering if I’ll be protecting her from germs and dogs licking her and such, or if I’ll keep my nonchalance. We’ll have to see I guess, because I have no idea!!

  7. Momma Drama says:

    You make me laugh. I have the “first child syndrome”. Many people were/are polite regarding my “over caution” even though I could tell they were/are annoyed. I have gone wimpy on a few things, like I don’t care if Jane eats that hairy cheerio. It is now an indication to me that maybe I should get her some more non-hairy cheerios immediately. However, I still think that “we” now know better ways to do some things than our parents/grandparents did and I’m not afraid to politely ignore their suggestions. Example: “We” now know that vaporub is for the exterior chest and not to be consumed for proper use.

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