Cafe Rio, minus the crack

For those of us who live outside of a reasonable driving distance from a Cafe Rio (6 hours is my limit) we have to suffer. We have to suffer the cravings to the creamy tomatillo dressing which we can’t have. We have to think of ways to try to get people to bring us food when they travel from Utah. When it’s been over a year and you still think about it on a weekly basis, you may just decide that you have to try a “knock off” recipe. If you do, you will probably be happy, and very very full. After a bit of internet research, I found a couple recipes and kind of mixed them together. So although I would like to take credit for them, they aren’t really mine, but I put them here for you, so feel free to send me lavish gifts and money as an appropriate thank you.

Creamy Tomatillo Cilantro Yummy Addictive Dressing
1 packet of Buttermilk Ranch dressing
1 cup mayo
1 cup buttermilk
4 tomatillos
1/2 bunch of cilantro
1 lime (juiced)
1 clove of garlic
1 jalapeno (minus the seeds)

The best choice is a food processor to chopify and mix your sauce, but I think a blender would probably work fairly well too. Put in the refrigerator and try not to drink it. I heard from a reliable source that Cafe Rio uses crack in theirs, but I didn’t, because crack kills, people!

The Tasty Chickens For The Salad
4 big chicken breasts (or however much you want to make)
1/2 cup Kraft Zesty Italian Free
1/2 cup Sprite
(you could totally just use one cup of sprite or the dressing, this is just what I did because I had half a bottle of dressing and a bit of sprite)
4 T minced garlic
1 T cumin
1 T chili powder

Put all in wideish pot. Bring to boil, flipping the chicken along the way, put the lid on, then turn down to low to simmer for 1 hour. Make sure to spend way too much time flipping the chicken and making sure that it is hydrated. This is an act of love and will make the chicken taste a lot better. Then pull it out, and burn your fingers shredding it. Put it back in the sauce in the pot, mix, and cook for another 10 or 15 minutes on super low. If you are a lazy person who doesn’t want to put love into your food then you could just use a slow cooker for 4 hours, shred, and cook another hour.

Rice is necessary too
2 cups white rice
4 cups water
1/2 bunch cilantro, food processored or chopped really small
1 can green chiles, food proccessored
1/2 medium onion, food processored (yes, that’s a word)
4 T minced garlic

Bring to a boil, cover and turn to low to simmer until it’s done. If you don’t know how to make rice/tell when it is done, I can’t help you.

Other Things You Need
8 Tortillas
Cheddar cheese, grated (enough to cover 8 tortillas, I don’t know how much)
Can of black beans, heated
Head of Romaine, shredded (is it called a head? I don’t know, a bundle of romaine?)

Assembling Your Salad
Heat a frying pan and crisp your tortilla on one side. Then flip it over to do the other side and put on a layer of cheese. Put on a plate. Add rice, beans, chicken, lettuce, ultra tasty sauce. Oops, did you save some cilantro for the top? You should have. Also if you want to be ultra Cafe Rio like (I did not because I am too lazy) you add some white cheeses and some skinny tortilla strips. I think the skinny tortilla strips would have added, and next time I have intention to make those happen.

This was probably my longest blog post ever, and surely my most tasty. I should really write a cookbook based on other people’s recipes in a really long drawn out manner. It could make millions.