Pretending to be fancy

For Christmas Aaron and I were given a super cool huge gift by my parents, a trip to a fancy hotel, with the promise to watch our small humans for the night.  Three months later we finally took them up on it, and I would now like to give you a small sampling of the reasons I will never able to be “fancy”.

1. We were given two spa treatments in the package, and among those to choose from were: Earth Cocoon, Gentlemen’s Back Facial, Puget Sound Seaweed Body Firming Wrap, Espresso Hydrating Body Wrap (from which you will “emerge revived and refreshed, lucid and lyrical”), Rain Drop Therapy (I think this would be more appropriately termed “Chinese Water Torture”), Sacred Waters, Four Hands – One Heart Massage (you get massaged by two people at the same time).  Needless to say Aaron declined all treatments, and I asked for the “normal massage and facial” as even if I had wanted one of the above things, I would have laughed too hard saying them to be able to get one.

2.  Just because food is served at a fancy hotel at a ridiculous price, does not mean it will be tasty.  I have yet to come to terms with how this could be possible, but it is very true.  I like delicious food a lot, and found this to be quite disappointing.

3.  Dressing fancy.  I am not good at it.  I would like to be in my sweats 100% of the time, perhaps with the exception of wearing lavish ball gowns, which also are not appropriate at most fancy places.

4. I felt moderately traumatized about leaving my kids for the night.  Most fancy places require childlessness, but I suppose if I were really rich I could hire a nanny to entertain them while I ate dinner and went to the spa.

On the other hand, here are a few reasons I could get used to being fancy:

1. They had a pillow menu, with lots of different types of pillows.  Pillows are always a great idea.

2. Infused water.  In the lobby they had this citrus water stuff that I could drink by the gallon.  I about cried when they put it away for the night.  I will soon have to figure out their recipe so I can stop thinking about it 24 hours a day.

3. In the room the bathtub had a window that opened up so you could see the fireplace or tv.  Also it had jets and lights.  My love of baths is very very great.  As is my love of fires and tv, so I can’t think of much better.

I think the solution is that I will just have to invent a fancy place to my own specifications.  Also, it was awesome.

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7 Responses to Pretending to be fancy

  1. Sarah says:

    Sounds awesome! 😀 I actually want to try the Chinese Water Torture.

  2. Aaron says:

    I could totally be fancy. Loved the back facial – and Kelsey says my carapace is smoother than ever.

  3. natalie says:

    oh…sounds so nice. Way to live it up!

  4. Crystal says:

    john and i have stayed at the same fancy hotel. we too loved, loved, loved the pillow menu and the huge bathtub.

    • kelsey says:

      It’s like our gift-givers shop together… :) Is it bad that sometimes I see dresses on Alexis and hope it was a gift from your mom??

      • Elizabeth says:

        I feel uncomfortable in fancy places, too. We stayed a week at the Snoqualmie Inn for our honeymoon. It was a nice present from my parents, but way too classy for us: we hid our car so the valets couldn’t park it (which seems to be mandatory there) and bought a cooler stuffed with food so we could eat in without eating their food. We looked awesome carting it in!

        They did have a great bath, though, and the beds were comfy. It sounds like you were at least as comfortable as possible!

  5. Momo says:

    What is your definition of “parents”?

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