How Pregnant Ladies Bake (a recipe)

Because I have been cooking a lot of foods lately, I have been searching through my files to find certain recipes that I love or want to try.  While searching my inbox I came across a recipe from my friend Natalie which she made for me probably almost three years ago?  Maybe just two.  But my brain doesn’t work.  All I remember is that it was ultimately delicious and that I must have begged her for the recipe.  I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing it with some modifications.

Pumpkin Spice Bars

1. Turn on oven to 350, line pan with foil.  Ignore part about using 11×15 pan and use 9×13 because you don’t have a bigger one.  Don’t be concerned when foil doesn’t fit perfectly.  Be lazy.  You like to wash dishes, right?

2. Take a package of graham crackers which probably will equal two cups of crumbs and begin to smash it.  Hand it to your 2-year-old to work on.  Take it back and accidentally pop the bag open and spill some.  Put in ziploc bag and continue smashing.  Decide you are tired of this step and leave lots of big chunks.

3. Pour crackers in bowl with 7 Tbs melted butter and 1/4 cup sugar.  Mix.  Put into pan, and cook for 6 minutes.  Or at least what you think was 6 minutes.  Close enough.  Ignore directions for letting it cool completely.  Just cool it enough.

4. Beat 4 eggs, 1 2/3 cup sugar, 1 (15oz) can pumpkin, and 1 cup oil with your mixer.  Realize halfway through adding sugar that you are out of white sugar and substitute brown sugar.  Tell yourself it will still be tastalicious.  Skip step of pre-combining dry ingredients, instead add them in this order while mixing: 2 tsp baking powder, 1 tsp baking soda, 1 tsp salt, 2 tsp cinnamon.

5. Pour mix on top of graham crust you made that is still warm but good enough.  As you are about to put dessert into the oven, look over at the counter and see the flour and measuring cup from making bread earlier and realize you have entirely forgotten the 2 cups of flour.  Lament loudly.  Decide you should either pour the mix back into the bowl, hoping to not ruin the crust, or just mix it all together, mmm graham cracker dust and chunks.  Be saved when your husband comes in and tells you he can mix the flour without dumping it back into the bowl.  Let him.

6. Put overly full pan into the oven for 25-30 minutes or until it tests done like a cake (fork in the middle, people).  Don’t set the timer because then you will get to check it 4 times way too early, and then almost overcook it.  Let it cool completely then frost.  Unless your kids have to go to bed, then hardly cool and put the following icing on it.

7. Mix 8 oz softened cream cheese with 4 Tbs softened butter and a 16oz box of powdered sugar.  Unless you don’t have a box of the required size of sugar, then just guess.  Tell your husband that you did it right when he asks if the frosting isn’t a little too runny.  Pour on top of too warm cake.  It will ooze everywhere.  No big deal.  Feed to family.  Realize it still tastes good, although not nearly as good as when Natalie made it.

8. Take to two different sets of neighbors explaining that it is kind of a disaster but it might still taste good.  Eat the leftovers for breakfast.

At least I didn’t leave the oven on and burn the house down.  This time.

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