Seis Puerqueños » safety fail

Stupid Things To Do To Yourself

kelsey — Sun, 18 Mar 2012 17:26:07 +0000

A few nights ago it was 10:30 and I needed some food. I decided that I wanted an egg, but was really lazy. Then I remembered I had half an avocado in the fridge. Obviously I should cut up the avocado, put it into a mug, add the egg on top and microwave. All went well until I pulled my late night snack out of the microwave. Because I had just cracked the egg over the top and not scrambled it, the yolk was sitting right on top and looked questionably cooked. Naturally I took my spoon to poke it to check it’s poisonability index and it exploded. Into my eye.

Now there are a lot of things that feel bad, but one of them is having a burning hot egg explode into your eye. Sure, the egg could have gotten on my face, in my hair, missed me entirely, but instead it decided to shoot directly into my eye. Of course.

I hollered for Aaron to come assist his now crippled wife and he ran in like lightning and offered to flush it with water. I declined and instead stuck my eyeball into a cup and turned it upside down onto the poor thing. Then I proceeded to make great jokes about having egg on my face and the like. Because come on, if you are going to be blinded by something, egg is a pretty funny thing.

Good news, I recovered and can see fine. My eyeball just hurt for a couple of days. So remember, don’t poke at the yolk of a egg you just microwaved. It is a bad idea.

How Not To Be Safe

kelsey — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 15:56:51 +0000

It snowed yesterday and last night, and this morning there was still a couple of inches on the ground at our house. Aaron went out to clear off his truck to drive to work when he found my passenger door slightly ajar. He opened it to find the glove box contents scattered all over and the change container (formerly ashtray of course) open but still containing pennies and nickles. I came out to inspect and found the only things to be actually missing were some quarters and dimes and more importantly my free drink coins for Sonic. Rude. But the perpetrator left his/her glove on the ground in the snow. Lesson: don’t leave your doors unlocked, and if you are a bad guy who takes off his glove to rummage around in unlocked cars, be careful because you will not be getting your glove back.

But wait! My stupidity gets worse. I come back inside from inspecting my car to get my keys to lock it. I can’t find them. I think about the last place I went, but they are not on the hook where I should have left them. Then I remember we went in the backyard to play in the snow. I check my coat pocket, empty. I start to panic. Then I remember where I left them and start to extra panic. The last time I had my keys is when I went out front to take a picture. I put my keys OUTSIDE on the nail on the front door so that the kids wouldn’t lock me out. I run to find them still there. All of them. I breathe a sigh of relief. Somehow on the night I left my keys on the front door someone gets into my car but leaves Aaron’s truck and our house alone? That’s right, they didn’t even see them. It’s times like these I am glad that I am protected despite my extreme propensity to ensure bad guys are welcome at my home.

Dear "Safety 1st"

aaron — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 00:14:00 +0000

Dear Safety 1st,

You make lots of things. Lots of good things. These are not good:

Harmon is 10 months old tomorrow, and it took him two tries to pull these out. He didn’t even have to press the tab like you claim.

Not safe.

Boooooo,
Kelsey